Greetin Bairns

That is what we say back home. Greetin Bairns, meaning Crying Babies, kids, children or even adults.
 Fits a dee we at Greetin Bairn. Whats wrong with that crying baby.
Thast what I thought yesterday when I saw a comment, an unprovoked, un needed comment by an adult. He must of been sat there locked in his unhappy, self loathing world, they both were I knew they were, hateing everyone, everything around them, wondering who they could piss off next and what Joneses they could keep up with. They think everyone is beneath them, oh how wrong they are. We all just look at them, shake our heads, say nothing. Its not worth it. They are not worth it. Just smile, piss them off even more than they are. Leave them in their own little rose tinted world where they can think up more crap to come out of their mouths like it has been for the past god knows how many year. Damn Greetin Bairns.

My own bairns, my kidamals were greetin this morning. It started at 5.30, I got up to make Boyd lunch for work and I could hear them. Peeping away to themselves, well to me really. They had no water, I could tell, thats the only time you hear them. They have to wait, I need to make his lunch and I need coffee. So i left those greetin bairns to greet. Then the next bairn started, non stop so I got up and lifted his fat ass on the bed with Emma. Emma the boxer can jump up, bassett hounds have short stumpy legs so I have to heave his heavy butt onto the bed. They are dogs, they shouldnt even be on the bed. At 6am I dont need greetin bairns so up he went and while I was on my feet, the ducklings down in th spare room got fed & watered to stop them greetin.

Before long it was time to go let everyone out, Sunday is ment to be a day of rest, oh I wish I could of gone back to bed but no. I went to church with Mary & Tony. So, Sundays are a rush for me. I have to get everyone out, fed, cleaned out, shower, hair..ok not hair, I just wash, shake and leave it, get dressed and out the door by 9.30. So I walk out the door to go let the ducks out and there is greetin all over the place. Sonny the cat is greetin. He needs feeding 1st, I had forgotten his dish, so back inside I go. There, you greetin bairn, shut up and eat. I could hear the next lot of greetin bairns...the goats,  hollerin like there is no tomorrow, greetin telling the whole world they are starved to death. Liar, Liar pants on fire!!! I cant do them 1st, I let the ducks out. They can see me thru the window of the duck house, WAAAAK WAAKKKKKKKKKK WAKWAAAKWAKKKKK, none stop. Damn greetin bairns! Ducks are out, fed, watered, geese are out fed & watered. Goats are next and then horses. They are the quiet ones, they just do little nickers, nip at each others legs, bite each others necks, do little bucks and fart at the same time.

At last everyone is fed. Im walking to the house and all hell braks loose. The geese are arguing thru the fence with the Pekins. For some reason they hate each other, they are like kids, picking at each other, im better than you, I can bite better than you, my black cat is blacker than your black cat...you get my drift here. Moon the grey goose, she had her head thru the fencing trying to rip the head of a Pekin. The geese are cheering Moon on along with the white Runners and then 1 of the Pekins grabbed Moon by the neck. OMG!!! Damn greetin bairns. She pulled her head back thru the fence and starts a tantrum. Just like kids you see in Walmart. The kids whos parent wont by them this or that and they throw themselves on the floor and start greetin and flailing like a fish on a hook. Here, oh child, who is NOT mine. I will give you something to flail about and you will be greetin for the rest of the week. So I gets the 2 gangs separated and all calms down. Ok, I have time now for a quick shower, a coffee and then church. By the time I picked up the eggs and headed across the yard, Juno...another goose is outside in the human yard along with my 2 young Pekin drakes. I could tell what was going to happen before it even started. Elliot & Gemini rushed Juno, who screamed like a big girls blouse and has a panic attack right there and then for everyone to see & hear. They frightend Juno so much she was more or less flailing on the ground, she had turned into 1 of those fainting goats, was so scared she fell and couldnt get up. I wish her mouth would stop working when this happens but no...damn greetin bairn wont stop. I go runing across the yard, I have to get there before the mob comes. Im running from 1 direction, the other geese and their side kick skinny assed Runner friends are closing in from the other direction. I gets there 1st picked up Gemini and throws him over the fence into the yard he should of stayed in, Elliot is now running for his life with 4 geese and 8 skinny freak birds chasing him. I notice the goats are greetin and bangin heads over whos, is whos, file of hay. Good Lord, I give 6 piles of hay, there is only 5 of them but they are still greetin. Damn greetin bairns. All im thinking as I run across the yard is...im glad I dont have neighbours who can hear my greetin bairns. The Pekins are all up in arms screaming thru the fence RUN ELLIOT!!! RUN!!. Elliot and his fat booty is doing the best he can and managed to get thru the fence minus a few tail feathers while the mob stands goading him on from the other side of the fence. Juno is 6 foot tall now he has his friends round to back him up and the noise is defening with 4 geese all GREETIN at the same time. Damn bairns, always greetin.
I leave them all to have my shower, coffee and go to church.
 4 kids go to church every week and they all sit there like kids should. All dressed in their Sunday best, sitting next to parents. Behaving. Like kids should. The parents have installed manners into their kids. You dont hear greetin bairns at church. The youngest is around 2, you never hear her greetin. I liked the last preacher we had. He was always going on about whoopin ass, getting them to behave, helping them be good people, help them to do right and if they do wrong, whoop their asses. I liked that preacher! You always heard AMEN!!! from me. Oh yeah, I was there before he even finished the sentence. AAAAAMEN! Yes Sir.
This week the preacher took his shoe of to tell a story about that shoe. Me, all I could think of was, I could of used that shoe the other week to whoop Keegans ass. I sit next to his grandma in church, Lovely woman, so is her husband. Keegan is thier grandson, hes I dont know..6 maybe. Keegan was at church the other week with his Grandma, he was fidgeting all over the place with a flee up his ass. I thought, Oh man, here goes. I sat down next to him and looked at him. He looked at me with those huge blue eyes and his cheeky grin. I said to him, do I need to take you round back now, before the preacher starts. Nope!! he said. I gave him my bestest bad look to warn him off. No sooner did the preacher start he was off. Kicking the back of the pews in front, sighing deeply for all to hear, poor Grandma was trying to pin him down while he flailed like a dementd chicken. I was ready to whoop some ass, but didnt know how Grandma would take it. As soon as th preacher had finished his sermon Grandma dragged Keenan out the church and home. I went down to see Keegans grandma a few days later and there he stood hands on hips struttin like a little banty chicken and he said, You frightened me on Sunday! I told him I hope he comes to church this Sunday coz see if you do that again while you are with your Grandma I will take you down the back and pull your pants down and give your ass a good whoopin and you WILL sit there and behave yourself.
 Knowing my luck I would be blessed with a child like Keegan and I would be forever whoopin ass. I dont think I could cope with greetin bairns, bairns are fine....as long as they go back to where ever they came from and dont greet at me all the time.


Crow said...

Nicky, I think you need to bring your animals to church. ;-)

Earl does brey farts. haaaaw heee haaaaw "flirp" heee haaaw "flarp"


javajanie said...

Love this blog post!