Kiss My Ass!!!

The Government can go kiss my ass as far as I am concerned.

I just went to SIGN ON...for Unemployment. She asked if I had opened a bank account yet? No I told her I cant do that yet untill I get my cheque with my married name and my address on it. She then turned round and told me I would NOT be getting any benefits!!!!!!
I was like  OOOOOKK...Why?

Because I own property in America and its in my name I own more than 16,000 pounds so I dont qualify. Have you ever heard so much crap in all your life.
After telling her I had split from hubby, she said we dont care, you walked away and we now look at it that hes due you rent so you are making money, even tho Im not.
If I was to turn up at the housing office and say my folks kicked me out, with anyone else they put you into some sort of temp accomodation untill there is a house for you. I now do not fit into that catigory!!!  WTF!!!! I own property and its my fault I moved out of it so Unlucky ME!

The Government can go KISS MY LILLY WHITE ASS!

Rant over for the day. I hope you have a better day than me. :)



Home is where the heart is and my heart is here. Im glad to be home in Scotland, back to where I was raised. I dont regret leaving home and going away for 8 years, I had alot of good times while I was away.
The weather is turning here, I still havent worn a jacket. People in town look at me like im some sort of freak for walking round with just a short sleeved top on while they are all bundled up in their winter clothes..well, I say winter. Over here you can wear winter clothes all year but I havent had the need to do so yet. I think my internal thermostat is all set wrong. I sit in my room sweating with the window open. Its open all day and night so I can feel the cool air and night time is the best. I can hear the geese flying over, going back to the reserve to roost for the night. I need to go there, maybe 1 day, when I have a job, saved some money and got a car again I can go and see them as well as the ducks and the wild ponies they have there now.

I miss my ducks and geese.
I all the animals I had to give up.
I miss Emma.

Emma is in a good place, she gets lots of walks and loves, all that she needs. I get updated with photos, some days I can look at them, other days I cant. The mind starts to wonder, making me sick and I have to go do something else to change the subject in my mind. Shes fine. I know she is. Its me whos not fine, I just cant handle it all yet, some days its like it was all a dream, that its not real and maybe I will wake up out of it and the guilt will go away.
Some days the guilt is so thick it makes me mad, burns me up inside and the mind wonders with the what ifs of it all. Not the what If I had stayed, that has not entered my head once. I havent even thought of that side of it, I was hardened to that side, my animals where the softer side of me and the guilt that I upped and took them all away from what they knew.
I dont know why I torture myself over it all, its just the way I am. I have to stop or Im going to spiral down to some unknown inner me and loose myself in it all.

So going back to what I was saying. I lie in bed of a night and I wait for the geese to fly over, going home for the night in the safety of the reserve to roost for thr night, then they fly back over the house in the morning while im sat out on the bench in my mums front yard having my morning smoke. Those are my 2 happy times of the day. Small things amuse small minds. I dont mind.

Ive not been doing much during the day other than goose watching, this past week Ive read a book a day. I bought the Twilight series of books at the sale at Hatton Town Hall when I was there last weekend for all of $5 and Ive sat and read 1 a day. Im now to the point of ..I need to go join the library, my 4 books that I own are all finished.

Ive been applying for jobs. Ive had 1 interview...I didnt get the job! That was not a shock as he told me I wasnt what they were looking for in the candidate...he said in his thick Glasweigen accent. Hey buddy, at least i talk the Queens English. They were looking for me to turn up in a suit and tie I think. I dont own a suit or a tie...maybe I should go shopping.

Oh, Ive just remembered.
 I cant open a library account. I dont have anything with my name and address on in my married name. I cant even open a bank account for the same reason. I signed on so I can get some money, they wanted to put it in my bank account...I dont have 1 so Im sat here, 2 weeks later still with no money. Is my cheque lost in the post to my mums house or are they still waiting for me to fill in the bank form to deposit it there.

As I said, Im glad to be home. Im living at my mums, thats a good thing too as I dont have anywhere else to go to. I Love my mum & Ron but living with your parents when you are 39 years old is...I dont know how to put it. But thats where I am in my life. I get up, have coffee, have a smoke, read the paper, go online, look for a job, check email and Facebook. Full Stop. Literaly.

So my next move, when ever that happens will be, to get a job, save some money, turn up homeless and wait to be given a house so I can build up to what i had before I left. Nice car, Nice house, me and my cats and 2 jobs. I would go back to that day in a heartbeat.
Maybe I will win the Lottery. I need to play it first, maybe then I will win. Then I can go back to what I was back then instead of sat here, still looking round like im lost, not knowing what to do with my life. Sat waiting for the geese to fly over. I will be hearing crickets in my head next, damn that would drive me crazy, I will take the geese any day of the week.

Im glad im home. I just wish things would happen so I can move forward with my life.  


All's Good

Update from last Blog.

I got my other bag packed, cleaned round the house as best as I was going to and then waited for Emmas new mum to come pick her up. She arrived and I told her I had been good and not cried yet that morning...and burst out crying!!! Fool that I am. We sat for a while and went thru some thing she might want to know about Emma and all to soon it was time for Emma to go. I put her collar and leash on and she was all excited, so was Locksley, Emma was going to start her new life, Locksley was staying here but he wanted to go for a walk too. We took Emma out and opened the car door, she jumped right in, ok she didnt, she put her front feet in and I lifted the fat butt end of her up and in. She sat there thinking she was Queen Bee, all smiles because she was going in the car. I gave her a hug, told her to be good and shut the door. I cried again, Branwen told me she was going to be fine, I know she is, she is going to a great family who are going to be good for her. I keep telling myself she is going to be fine and she is.

My neighbour came up to say goodby, her husband didnt want to come up, he didnt want to see me crying more so she came on her own to collect my gold fish to put in her pond. Then it was time to leave.
I carried my bags outside and loaded them in the truck, told Bear & Locksley to be good and shut the door, got in the truck and didnt look back. We now had to drive up to Charlotte NC to get my flight, we stopped on the way for lunch, chicken & rice day at Cracker Barrel. I had to eat now because I knew the food on the flight would be nasty. We got to the airport and booked bags in then we went back outside so I could have a smoke before I went up to get my flight. Me & Mary chatted for a while then I told her she better get going before the rush hour traffic, he hugged, said goodby, cried then started chatting about stuff and started laughing. I told Mary, quick walk away while we are laughing, she did, me, I sat there and smoked a few more smokes before my flight. It was going to be a long flight and a long day for me. My flight was long, cramped and univentfull and I hated every minute of it.

I landed in Aberdeen to rain, I was glad. I stood for a second at the top on the steps and just took a deep breath of the fresh air I had missed. I found mum & Ron waiting for me at the baggage thingy, we had hugs and hellos, i described my bags and outside I went for a smoke. I walked out and I saw a guy I had went thru school with. Hi Graham, hows you, Oh nae to bad, fit like yir sell. I laughed I said I was fine and he said he hadnt seen me for a while. I explained that I had been away for 8 years, we laughed and joked about for a while and before long I had finished my smoke and time to go get my baggage. It was nice to get home and bump into someone I had grown up with, it was as if I had never been away. Bags were collected and in the car we went. I oohed and ahhhed at all the hay bales and the green grass. Its amazing what you miss when you dont have it. Grass!!

By the time we got home the sun was out, my neighbour told me I should of came home sooner. Its been nice every day, a bit of rain here and there, then sun, then wind, then it rains and the winds dissapears and the sun comes out again. No snow yet, but its not far away.

Ive not done much since I got home but I went and got my hair cut. My hairdresser is a young guy who opened a salon with his brother years ago. Hes all grown up now, getting married next year to his long time girlfriend. He asked what I wanted done. He said OVERHAUL!!. He coloured my hair, sun kissed it, cut it and made me, me again!  Mary, he said to tell you my hair was 1 1/2 inches longer on 1 side and to keep to cutting horses manes and tails. I just laughed.

All's good in my life just now. Im happy.!


For my better good

7th September 1.10am

I dont know where to start this Blog or even how to end it but it will end on the 17th September. I am going to start it now because Its going to take longer than 10 minutes to type it out, plus im going to cry my eyes out doing it.

It doesnt matter how it all started, its none of your bees wax. All I needed was an excuse for animals to be sold or rehomed. Words were said the 3 main words were JOB, FEED, ANIMALS. Thast all I needed, I was now on a mission.

 A woman I friended on Facebook through another friend was going through a bad time. She was leaving her husband, selling her animals and trying to find homes for them if not sold, selling what she could and moving her and her kids to another state. She was leaving the farm she had bult up from nothing and the place her kids call home. She had had enough! I thought, well if Kim can do it with her kids, I can do it and I dont have kids. She is a strong woman to do that and through Kims strength I was able to move forward. I just have kidamals, what am I ging to do with them all. My main concern was Emma, she is my baby girl and the light of my life.

I started a Blog, and did a few things on there, little stories about all sorts of crap. I was screaming in thse Blogs, silently screaming out to people...read my blog, read between the lines, HELP ME!!  1 day I got a phone call from my old boss from my Army days. He is very straight to the point and the start of his conversation was...Oi, I dont know what the fuck is going on but what ever it is, you need to get your ass home, I can read between the lines. AT LAST!!!! Someone heard me. My friend Mary had heard me in 1 Blog and told me I need to get out the house before depression sets in, I  just shrugged it off. I had to. But it was out at last, I was so happy, I cried my eyes out to Bob and his wife Les and I felt better. The next morning I was on Facebook and Christina shouts to turn on my chat so I did. I plucked up the courage to tell her what I wanted to do. She told me to go for it. I hadent said anything to Mary, but I knew I had to, I just had to pluck up more courage to tell her. For weeks I had been sat at home not knowing what to do and at weekends I would sit and cry my heart out. I took the plunge and told Mary a few days later.  I know it hurt, I didnt know what to say or how to say it but I just blurted it out. I think she went into shock, she didnt want me to go, tried to talk me out of it. No. I had to do it, for my own sanity and happiness. The mission was now on.

I took a load of my Pekins to the sale along with a bunch of babies that had just hatched the Friday before. It broke my heart, but I was sat there with all these people we see every week we are there, I just had to sit there and watch as my ducks went for a few dollars. Fuck it hurt so bad you have no idea. Friday came, we were going to a different sale, I was ment to take 1 lot of ducks. This was killing me. I had planned to take a group at a time but it hurt to much so I went and got a load of cages, put the ducks in the duck house and went in after them with my crates. I crated them up into groups. My first eggs to hatch were in there looking at me like...whats going on. I couldnt hold back, I went slow, caught them all 1 at a time, 2 groups of Runners, 2 groups of Pekins. Poor Elliott & Gemini, I felt so sorry for them, they were my babies, my tame ducks that I could pick up, give kisses and hugs to, who lived in the house untill they were nearly 3 months old, who followed me everywhere and came when I called. I separated them and put them in crates with 2 girls each. That night I sat there at the sale and when it was time for my ducks to go thru and get sold I walked away. I did not want to see who bought them. The ducks sold, I got my money and walked away and left them there to be carted away to the unknown. I did all my adult ducks in 1 fowl swoop, I couldnt go to a sale every week and sell them bit by bit, I had to get them all gone NOW!!! To much heart ache to do it a little at a time.

That night I sold the Pekins and the babies Mary shouted Dana, he owns a petting zoo, she would talk to him for me. I went outside, she did the talking. He was told not to look at me or even speak to me or I would burst out crying. He left my seat, I walked round the building and I sat back down. Mary said he would take them. He would be there at 7am on Saturday. Saturday came, I was dreading it but it had to be done. He came and had a look, 3 minis and a pony mule and 2 wether goats. Blue would go down to Mary & Sonnys, another neighbour down the street and the 3 does were already at Marys getting bred, they would now stay there. So Dana packed up the horses and goats and off he went. That was them gone. I told a lie, a fucking huge white lie to my husband. He got home, walked in the door and said...the goats are out!!. I told him I took them down to Marys along with the minis, the goats were all in with hers and the minis were down in the back pasture for the winter, I would bring them back home next summer once the pasture has had a rest and the grass could grow. The following day i went down to Marys, we went out to the pasture to get Beau my Quarter horse. I told her she could have him. We tied him up on the wash rack and we branded him with Marys brand. I handed her his papers. Done.

All I had left to rehome was 4 Sebastopol geese, 15 Runners and 2 babies and Emma. I advertised the geese on Back Yard Chickens for sale. Some lady up in North Carolina wanted them, we haggled on a price and she would be down next weekend, that weekend came but she never, she sent me an email that she would be down next weekend, then an email the day before, she couldnt come, I was starting to panic. Hurricane Irene was heading our way, the lady wasnt going to leave her farm and come and get them. I was like FUCK YOU! I told my friends in th duck group what was happening and Kim said she would buy them. She was also taking my ducks minus 3 drakes. OK, fine, now to figure out how to get them up there. Kim was going to come down to get them in her car, I knew they wouldnt fit, not now the geese were going to . I would take them up there. It would give Mary and I a day out. So Monday came, we packed up the geese, then the older Runners and split the younger ones into a big double cage for the journey. Piled in the food, incubator, feed pans and off we went to West Virginia to visit Crow and her family and animals. I told Crow I was probably going to cry but I promised myself I wouldnt. We had a great day out, me and Mary laughed so hard that day, over things we had done over the 4 years we had been friends, all my heart ache was gone while we laughed our way to West Virginia and back home again. We finaly got there and started to unload ducks, ducks and more ducks, then the geese. They all took off across the yard in their own groups along with  Crows group of ducks, pigglets, dogs, goats. HA!!! It was so funny, it was like everyone was on a mission to go somewhere, like in a big city where its a busy life and everyone just walks past each other minding their own business. We had a great few hours there, we ate homemade goats cheese and crackers and she had also made meatballs, pasta and homemade bread for lunch. We got our photo taken on this beautiful wooden bench...Crow, you need to email it to me, then we sat down for lunch. Crow said to me, thats for you and pointed at a wrapped gift on the table. She said Ive blessed it for you so it helps with your aches and pains. I thought I was going to burst out crying there and then. I gave her a knowing look and said Thank You and shoved a piece of bread in my mouth before  the tears exploded. I sat and ate my lunch. We finished lunch, went to check on the animals, take photos and all too soon it was time to go. I had kept myelf busy while I was there that I never had time to cry. I didnt need to cry, I knew they were at a good place. Crow would look after them. Then next morning I took the necklace and pendant out of its wrapping while Boyd was in town. I held it up and looked at it and said, I hope its going to heal my heart Crow and I just sat there and cried. Crow always tells me its for...My highest and best good. I tell myself that everyday and 1 day I know it will make sence. Thank You Crow, xxx Also Thank You Mary for coming with me, yes, I know I had to take you, I would of only got lost other wise but we had a good time. Sorry you ended up looking like a Panda from all the laughing we did and even if I could see in the dark I wouldnt of told you and I would of said lets stop at Waffle House for coffee and I wouldnt of said a word while I sat there watching the Panda across the table from me. xxx

Saturday 10th September

I found Emma a great home the other week!
I sent an email to the local Boxer Rescue asking if they could take Emma in, I cried while doing this. I had made up my mind that if they couldnt take Emma in I was going to get her put to sleep. The rescue told me they couldnt take her in but could put her photo and a write up on their site for people to see. Thats what I done and I waited for someone to see it and contact me. The next morning I got up, turned on the pc, checked my email and there it was!! A long email from a family in Charleston, the email told me all about their family, about their dog they had lost not long ago, where they lived, what they all did. I cried..again! I contacted the family asking if they could come and see Emma. WOW!! They were coming up that weekend. I waited for them to drive into the yard, I was in agony having to do this, Emma is my baby girl but I knew ..Its for my highest and best good and also Emma's.. The family turned up, I told myself not to cry...I did. They came into the house and they all collapsed on the floor. Emma was beside herself. She did the kidney bean dance for everyone, she huffed and puffed and blew snotters on them in her excitment, she gave big slobbery kisses, she jumped all over them and they just sat there in the doorway rolling round on the floor with her. I knew this was the family for Emma. She will get to go walk and run on the beach, she will get to take the kids to school in the car, Emma loves the car, she loves walks....something I dont do very often with her but its now something she is going to do on a daily basis. They are a lovely family with very big hearts. I am excited that Emma is going to go to the beach for walks, I have told her every day...your going to the beach and she looks at me and does her little dance, she doesnt know what the beach is, shes never been but I know that once they say to her, are you going to the beach and she gets to see it and run and play and get covered in sand that the next time they say..are you going the beach, she is going to be sooo excited. Ive just sent them an email saying 7 more days to go, I am excited for them, excited for Emma and in a way I am excited too but im also broken hearted to have to do this. Next Saturday is going to be a hard day for me but it has to be done.

Its nearly 2 weeks that the ducks and geese have been gone, the pools are still outside in the yard, probably covered in green slime, I havent been able to go out there and empty them. I look out into the horses pasture and see nothing. The day after the horses left I looked out and there was a deer out there. She was looking round as if to say, where is everyone. She was there for a few hours just roaming round, looking nervous, probably looking for them, she even went and looked into the stalls. I had seen her out there a few times when the horses where here but since the day after they left I havent seen her again. I felt sorry for her out there, looking for her friends, I hope she has moved on to find new friends.

The last 3 drakes I was left with, I took them up to Greenville Fair last weekend. Dana had bought a load of my ducks at a sale 1 night so when he took the horses I said I would give him what ever ducks I had left. Cloud, Sealy and Dove were taken up there last week.

Sonny my 1 remaining cat, part of my baggage I brought over from Scotland with me, he would of been 14 this month. I took him the vets last Saturday and had him put to sleep. I couldnt leave him here, it wouldnt be fare, on Sonny or me. He got wrapped in his blanket and taken down into the woods to be with Ben my other cat that got knocked over on the road back in June. R.I.P Sonny, Im soo soooo sorry I couldnt take you back home with me.
It broke my heart, I cut my cats life short so I could go back home, did I have any right to do that in his old age, I have felt the guilt build up inside me every day since I did that deed and its killing me. It took Boyd 5 days to even notice that I hadent been out to feed Sonny!!!!!!!!

These past few weeks Ive been busy, Mary has kept me busy and my mind off things. She had a cook out at her barn for me last week. Bryan, Marys son came up from Alabama with his wife Wendy, I didnt know they knew what was going on. We had a good day, we ate and were merry, telling stories with good friends. We had a great day. The next day Mary and I along with Bryan & Wendy went back to the Fair and Rodeo and thats when I found out that Bryan & Wendy knew, yep, I cried, they understood and let me cry. Thank You to you both for coming up for the weekend, I love you both. Also thank you to the people who came and ate and be merry with us at the barn. Love you all too.
Mary & I went to pick Crystal, her daughter up this week so we could go and get her baby crib, Mary told me I had to tell Crystal, I couldnt, I didnt know what to say to her. We told her on the way to drop her off, More crying. Im at the point that you only have to look at me and I cry. Good luck to Crystal & Justin and I want to see lots of photos when the baby arrives.

So, I am now down to 7 days, Ive got alot to get done in those 7 days. I have the Rodeo again with Mary tonight. Mary has been my god send, she has kept me and my mind busy, Sunday I have church, then Sunday night I have choir practise. A new lady has come back to the church and is taking the choir back over, she said we have to practise EVERY WEEK. So this Sunday I will be going to practise, I wont be back at church again, but Im going to practise, Me and Mary keep laughing about it, but hey, what can you do. Sunday afternoon I have to help Mary clean the barn, she has someone coming to see her horses and possibly buy some so at least I will be busy Sunday. Today after I finish typing this I have to run round the house and get some of my stuff together, I have 1 bag packed and down at Marys, I will be leaving with 2 bags of clothes, thats what I came to America with...plus the cats. Im going home again with 2 bags, minus the cats.  I have to get as much done today as I can, I cant do anything during the week while hes home in the way of packing bags, he doesnt know Im leaving. Enough said on that topic. This week will be spent picking up the dozen pine cones I have let Emma chew up this week, along with the sticks she has brought in. The house will be clean for when I leave, I might even get the grass cut. The pools will be emptied and taken the dump. All that will be left is Bear & Locksley. I have to leave him something to love. He will need them and they will need him. I feel guilty leaving the other 2 dogs but what can I do. I also have my gold fish! I bought some gold fish when I moved here to replace the ones I had back home. This gold fish has been here the same amount of time I have. I dont know what Im going to do with it yet. I might take him down to Mary & Sonnys and put it in their pond.
Now to wait for next Saturday morning, Its going to be hard but my old life and home is just across the pond. I leave Saturday 17th Sept at 6.30pm, I will get home around 3pm the following day. To the folks over here im sorry Im leaving you all, It feels like im just running out on you, but I cant help it. Its for my higher and better good!. For the people back home, if you see me, say hi as if nothing has every happened and walk on, dont make me cry, treat me like Ive never been away. DO NOT ask what happened or what I did with all my animals, if you have read this you will know, so dont break my heart even more by asking.    

The last bit of this Blog I will do next week once Emma goes and before I pack my pc up. then I go and leave for my flight. My journey is nearly over!



Beet Pulp and the Squirrel

Im sorry to say I STOLE this story off the internet.
People that are into equine nutrition are notorious for spending their time doing the oddest things. While everyone else has normal nightmares about finding themselves riding in the World Equestrian Games stark naked past the press corps, nutrition people fret over whether their carefully thought-out recommendations will make the difference between Muffy the Superhorse winning his next competition in fame and glory, or falling into a dead faint somewhere between being saddled and the starting line. In the end, the finer points of nutrition often make zero difference, however, because you generally find out that:
a) Muffy won't even touch your carefully crafted ration, much preferring to eat his bedding, the vet's fingers and anything from the Taco Bell menu;
b) the moment you finish calculating the Perfect Equine Ration featuring Aunt Tilly's Super Horsey Yums Yums, the feed company goes out of business or is indicted on environmental pollution charges;
c) it's all irrelevant, anyway, because the barn manager's favorite phrase is "Well, we've always fed this way for sixty years and hardly ever lose more than a horse a month to colic", and steadfastly refuses to feed anything at all other than His Very Own Secret Recipe, featuring lawn clippings, glazed doughnuts and something that smells a lot like latex.
However, evey now and then, you stumble across a feed that horses actually like (at least, after that initial suspicious, "You're trying to poison me, aren't you?" look), is wonderfully nutrititious, cheap to feed and still Obscure and Mysterious enough that people feel like they're really on The Cutting Edge in feeding it to Muffy. Beet pulp is like that, and for a long time I thought the only disadvantage to it was the minor inconvenience of having to soak it before feeding. Some folks skip that part, but others revel in making sure everyone else in the barn knows just how conscientious and detail-minded they are about Muffy's nutritional well-being.
However, eventually I knew the true downside to beet pulp would show up, and thought it only fair that I pass it along...
This afternoon I decided to bring some beet pulp pellets into the house to soak, because I wanted to get an idea of exactly how much they expanded in volume during the soaking process. Academic types are like that, pathetically easy to amuse and desperately in need of professional help. I knew they expanded quite a bit, because the first time I'd innocently added water to a five-pound bucket of beet pulp, I'd come back later to find my feed room practically awash in beet pulp, providing a breakfast that every horse within a five mile radius still remembers with fond nostalgia. So in the interest of scientific curiousity, I trundled in a bucket, about three pounds of beet pulp, added in the water and set it in the living room to do its thing. No problem. Research in action.
Well, in our ongoing quest to turn this house into Noah's Ark, we have not only four horses, three dogs, four neurotic cats, a sulfur-crested cockatoo, a cockatiel and assorted toads, we also have William. William is a fox squirrel who absent-mindedly fell out of his tree as a blind and hairless baby two years ago and whom the vet promptly handed off to the only person he knew silly enough to traipse around with a baby squirrel and a bottle of Esbilac into her bookbag. Actually, the trick wasn't in keeping such a tiny creature warm, fed and clean---it was keeping a straight face and looking as mystified as everyone else when William woke up hungry and started pipping for his bottled like a very small, slightly muffled alarm clock. Invariably, this usually occurred while I was standing in line at the post office, picking up a pizza for dinner or on one memorable occasion, taking a final exam in biochemistry. Being no dummy, William knew a sucker when he saw one and has happily been an Urban Squirrel ever since.
And for those of you that think A Squirrel's Place is In The Wild, don't think we didn't try that...his first Christmas, we thought we'd give him his first lesson in Being a Wild Squirrel by letting him play in the undecorated Christmas tree. His reaction was to shriek in horror, scutter frantically across the floor and go try to hide underneath the nearest border collie. Since then, the only way he will allow himself to be taken outside is hiding inside Mummy's shirt and peering suspiciously out at the sinister world.
So much for the re-make of Born Free in San Dimas. So secure is he about his place in the world that on more than one occasion, I've caught him sitting on his fat, smug little bottom, making faces out the windown at our neighborhood (very frustrated) red-tailed hawk---like as not clutching a cashew in one paw and a bit of mango in the other.
Anyway, when I set out the bucket of beet pulp, I may have underestimated the lengths that a young and enthusiastic squirrel will go to to stash all available food items in new and unusual hiding spots. I thought letting William out of his cage as usual and giving him a handful of almonds to go happily cram under cushions and into sleeping dog's ears was sufficent entertainment for the afternoon. After all, when I left, he was gleefully chortling and gloating over his pile of treasure, making sure the cockatoo saw them so he could tell her I Have Almonds And You Don't. So much for blind optimism.
Apparently when the almond supply ran out, beet pulp pellets became fair game and I can only imagine the little rat finding that great big bucket and swooning with the possibilities of being able to hide away All That Food. The problem isn't quite so much that I now have three pounds of beet pulp pellets cleverly tucked away in every corner of my house, it's that as far as I can tell, the soaking-expanding-and-falling-apart process seems to be kinda like nuclear meltdown. Once the reaction gets started, no force on earth is going to stop it.
So when I come back from the grocery store, not only do I find an exhausted but incredibly Fulfilled squirrel sprawled out snoozing happily up on the cat tree, I find that my house smells a lot like a Jamaican feed mill and virtually every orifice is crammed full of beet pulp. This includes the bathroom sink drain, the fish tank filter, in my undie drawer, in the kitty box (much to their horror) and ALL the pockets of my bookbag. Not to mention that in enthusiastically stuffing beet pulp into the air holes of the little box that hold live crickets for the toad's dinner, William managed to open it up and free several hundred crickets into the living room. It's not that I mind crickets springing to and fro, it's just that it sounds a lot like an Evening in the Amazon Rain Forest in here. The cats, on the other hand, have never had such a marvelous time steeplechasing after stray crickets back and forth over the furniture, crunching up the spoils of the hunt (which wouldn't be so bad if they would just chew with their mouths closed), and sicking up the more indigestible parts onto the rug.
I simply can't WAIT to turn on the furnace and find out what toasting beet pulp smells like.
The good news is that in case of siege, I have enough carbohydrates hidden in my walls and under the furniture to survive for years. The bad news is that as soon as I try to remove any of this stash, I get a hysterical squirrel clinging to my pant leg, tearfully shrieking that I'm ruining all his hard work and now he's going to starve this winter. (This is despite the fact that William is spoiled utterly rotten, knows how to open the macademia nut can all by himself and has enough of a tummy to have earned him the unfortunate nickname Buddha Belly.)
So in case anyone was losing sleep wondering just how much final product you get after soaking three pounds of beet pulp, the answer is a living room full. I'd write this new data up and submit it as a case study paper to the nutrition and physiology society, but I suspect the practical applications may be limited.
Off to go empty the Shop-Vac. Again.